Whenever friends who'd broken up with their partners had a wobble, or said they missed them, I became their relationship drill sergeant - constantly reminding them why it had all ended and why they were so much better off without And then I got back together with one of my exes. I know, it pains me to say it out loud. Not because they're the worst person on earth and I was ashamed, but because I went back on my word. My point is: it's easy to claim revisiting a former relationship is a bad idea and to dish out advice to your pals like you're the moral compass of the group, but when it happens to you, you realise actually it's not always such a ridiculous notion.
I won't go deep into the reasons we broke up the first time. But our relationship just seemed to come to a natural end. After being friends for 10 years and then finally getting together, our lives had been running parallel for so long and then one day, we were just off in different directions.
We were young, and had other shit going on that at the time that was more important than our relationship. For two years, we didn't speak. Both of us saw other people, had casual sex things, and I even had a year-long relationship. And then we accidentally reconnected cheers Tinder, you absolute LAD and it just seemed right. Sure, fine, yep, I'll admit it: we aren't together anymore. But was getting back together the most stupid decision I ever made?
I don't think so Lovehoney 's sex and relationship expert Annabelle Knight says getting back with an ex can work out. But, she says, there are five key questions you need to ask if you're determined to rekindle a former relationship. Never say never, sometimes a little space is all you need, Annabelle says. Be ready to confront those memories — not just with yourself and with your loved ones, but with your ex themselves, which can be the hardest part.
Many of us may find ourselves longing for a lost love. If we go about it in a realistic, healthy way, it could, possibly, work out — if both people are on the same page.
How We Live. Why getting back with an ex is so compelling. Share using Email. By Bryan Lufkin. You broke up, for good reasons. So why do so many former couples reunite further down the line? Having a plan of action that addresses the issues that caused the person to behave badly is good start. Sometimes that can mean ditching social media, switching jobs, attending therapy, or going to rehab.
That fourth step — putting a plan of action in place — is probably the most vital, if there's any chance of mending the relationship, but too often couples skip it or assume it's a one-and-done conversation.
I can't tell you how many calls I have gotten on my radio show from people whose spouse has done something terrible repeatedly and the caller has chosen to take them back. I see this most often in women. I ask, "What did he do to make you think it would be different this time?
What plan of action does he have to correct this bad behavior? To take someone back who has repeatedly harmed you, but is not committed to doing anything differently, is to sign on for more of the same hurtful behavior. To apologize without implementing a plan is to set yourself up to reoffend and hurt your partner. Reconciliation and action are not always possibilities. There are some indicators that should be absolute deal-breakers. Any abuse — whether it is physical, emotional, or sexual — is totally unacceptable in a relationship.
If your partner has hit you once, there is always the possibility that they will do it again, and you will never be free to be totally honest with them or trust them not to hurt you again. If someone has an addiction or mental illness but is unwilling to get treatment, that's also a deal-breaker. If someone is morally and ethically not aligned with you, that is not going to change. You can change behavior, but you can't change character. If someone is a compulsive cheater, that likely is to remain the case, though that's different than someone who screwed up one time.
If someone is a compulsive liar, you will never be able to trust them, and trust is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your former partner was guilty of any of the above, I recommend moving on. But — and here's the big but — sometimes a relationship ends because of bad timing. Usually, in that case, two partners are not on the same page about big lifestyle decisions or stages, whether it's about settling down, marriage, kids, career, moves, or commitment. With time, though, one partner's priorities may catch up to the other's.
If everything else in the relationship worked, but a major discrepancy in goals drove you apart, it makes perfect sense that as those goals shift, so does your compatibility. Call it "backsliding," but in such a case, getting back together with an ex seems more than sensible.
If after reading all of this, you're still think getting back together is the right thing, then go for it.
0コメント